I am sick and tired of wearing my Prada.
I just resigned from a multinational company and seeking my luck with a small and more conservative firm. Oh well, it means only one thing for me -- less politics. Being exposed in a corporate world for nearly a decade, I now understand why the word retirement was ever created. I wonder if it has the same meaning as "burn-out". Perhaps, a more flowery word so as not to sound negative.
Don't get me wrong, I am not bitter. But even so, this is something that I will not admit. I (honestly) feel that it's my stubborn nature rather than my stupidity that tends to rule my life...which lately, I am beginning to doubt as well.
So what is my point? I do not have any point at this moment.
I am so unfocused that I am confused with my current state of mind. I blame it on the rats, it's their year right? I was born under the sign of a horse, which the Chinese say is the worst enemy of these rats. Perhaps then the rats are causing me this ill state of mind. Or I can perhaps blame it on my birth month, wherein it falls under the Pisces sign -- which if you'll check the horoscopes -- Pisceans are always described as "martyrs," (again, another sugar-coated word for stupid). Or I can even blame it on today? That gloomy weather outside made me go back to my sleep and chose not to seize my new "possible" luck with this new company.
I am blaming it on everything but me.
Let's face it, no one admits insanity except those filing for annulment or divorce. We tend to hide the truth. We are always afraid of what others might think of us, scared of being laughed at, or be rejected.
Worst, we get to be stuck in-between. We don't know what makes sense or what doesn't. We don't feel guilty anymore when we get to cross the line from the right to the wrong.
I would like to believe that each of us are considered devils, one way or another. The Prada's we wear are our masks, covering what truly lies underneath. And in the process, we tend to lose ourselves. We forget the difference between fact and fantasy. Until it reaches to a point that when we look in the mirror, we don't like what we see, or worst, don't know who it is that's mocking us. We want to put a stop on everything but we know we can't. So we stick with the status quo.
Little by little, we let go of some things in our hands to be able to reach out for other things. We grasp it with both hands thinking it will help us move forward. Forgetting what is of value and what is crap. If only we can and never look back, then it would have been easy.
The devil I know is in disguise. The devil is tired and doesn't want to wear her Prada anymore.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Walking wounded
it runs in your blood. all the hatred. the insecurities. the regrets. mock the misery as it should. will sell the soul if it could. too slow, it burns a hole. nothing ever changes here. or will it ever do.
confused with the life He offered you.
wounds. you thought they would heal. had no clue. it left plenty of scars. deeper and deeper you fall. fed the body and not the soul. fought the demons in your head. you lose. you crumble. felt shattered and torn.
questioned the life He offered you.
wonder who will save you now. cried hard but no one seemed to hear. faltered voice echoed, a voice of your own. you ran as fast as you could. 'till you can't breathe no more. darkness enveloped you. hope failed you.
sought the God you once knew.
begged for the life He once offered you.
Hindsight
Guilt occupies her senses
Contemplating.
She feels your presence.
Suffocating.
She inspects his mind.
Hoping.
Reading between the lines.
Assuming.
Her eyes reminds him of the past.
Reliving.
His eyes tells her not to trust.
Detaching.
A flair with words, a trusting soul.
Misleading.
A scheming mind, and dreams he stole
Deceiving.
A wounded soul taken for granted
A cheating heart made her aware
Once she was disenchanted
these things she will no longer bear.
The reality sets in.
Because today is not yesterday.
A different view
A close friend of mine called a few days ago. We chatted for almost 3 hours and she was telling me of her problems. Surprisingly, as I hear myself talk, I can tell that I'm giving her sound advices -- things that I know that I, too, should learn to practice.
Have you ever been in a position wherein you actually tell someone what to do? Telling them how to solve their problems? Yet, quite ironically, your life is such a mess either! Wondering why it is easy to understand and analyze when seen from a different view?
I was outside, looking in.
I saw a different perspective. I've become fully aware on how lucky I am to not experience the same fate. And yes, I did compare. In my mind, I thought that maybe God planned it that way. Realize your blessings at the expense of one's sorrows. Begin to accept the things you are grateful for over one's regrets. You start to count the gifts one by one. And learn to live with what you have. Feel blessed. Be thankful. But at the end of the day, it's never simple. It's always easier said than done. Maybe that is why anyone can actually give an advice.
Or it could also be that if you are inside, you feel the love and the pain. These things that people from the outside are not able to feel. They can never comprehend what you are actually going through, cannot even come close. Your true sentiments, your emotions, can never be revealed but only to yourself alone. They are merely outsiders trying to relate -- just looking in.
As I sit and write this, I wonder, can i ever step outside from my life? Detach with all the emotions and look at it from a different perspective, to teach my inside self how to go through life the way I saw how it should be lived? Then to go back and apply all my outside self had preached?
Ah life, whoever said it's easy?
Have you ever been in a position wherein you actually tell someone what to do? Telling them how to solve their problems? Yet, quite ironically, your life is such a mess either! Wondering why it is easy to understand and analyze when seen from a different view?
I was outside, looking in.
I saw a different perspective. I've become fully aware on how lucky I am to not experience the same fate. And yes, I did compare. In my mind, I thought that maybe God planned it that way. Realize your blessings at the expense of one's sorrows. Begin to accept the things you are grateful for over one's regrets. You start to count the gifts one by one. And learn to live with what you have. Feel blessed. Be thankful. But at the end of the day, it's never simple. It's always easier said than done. Maybe that is why anyone can actually give an advice.
Or it could also be that if you are inside, you feel the love and the pain. These things that people from the outside are not able to feel. They can never comprehend what you are actually going through, cannot even come close. Your true sentiments, your emotions, can never be revealed but only to yourself alone. They are merely outsiders trying to relate -- just looking in.
As I sit and write this, I wonder, can i ever step outside from my life? Detach with all the emotions and look at it from a different perspective, to teach my inside self how to go through life the way I saw how it should be lived? Then to go back and apply all my outside self had preached?
Ah life, whoever said it's easy?
is there a happy ever-after?
As a kid, we thought that the moment we say “I do,” we’ve found our happiness ever after. But you realize, it’s not part of the contract neither do the vows.
There are no absolutes in all marriages. Nothing is ever all yin or all yang. There is a need to balance the two forces. There is a need to maintain the equilibrium. Simply because it is a union of two people, whose present were molded differently from their past. With different backgrounds, different personalities, different sets of experiences and different sets of lessons learned.
Marriage is a work-in-progress.
The beauty of it is that you learn this bit by bit, piece by piece. You learn and discover new things, hideous or nice. You learn that you need to recognize one’s strengths and weaknesses. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, simply because we are all humans. Everyone has his own flaws and inadequacies.
As humans, we are capable of hurting someone we love. Years of togetherness can create cobwebs, boredom inevitably sets in. If taken for granted, it will become stale and fusty. If left untreated, it will become rotten and will eventually deteriorate. The years add to our level of being comfortable and, too often than not, we forget the diplomacy. We overlook the essentials and become less discreet, less prudent, and less sensitive.
Why do anger and rage easily creep in to a marriage? Undesirable habits are borne from the familiarity. Are we bound to remain faithful with our vows to understand and accept things even at its worst?
Dissatisfaction and trepidation are inescapable due to expectations. Hurtful words are effortless, it’s always easy to blurt it out and express the fury inside, and we always forget that it leaves wounds more painful to create marks to last a lifetime.
Marriage is a commitment. It is a shared responsibility of both husband and wife to achieve a common goal – our happy ever-after. There should always be shared ownership of crisis and resolutions. Like a puzzle that needs to be solved, it makes life easier if you’ll help one another.
The trick is always to go back and re-apply the basic skills. It requires an effort to keep the fire burning. Take time to breathe in some fresh air. Face the reality that all marriages are not perfect. Learn to dance to the beat.
For every pain, there is joy
For every angst, there is contentment.
For every coldness, there is warmth.
For every indifference, there is compassion.
For every wrethchedness, there is bliss.
In conciliation I chose to live, I now look at a bigger picture.
There are no absolutes in all marriages. Nothing is ever all yin or all yang. There is a need to balance the two forces. There is a need to maintain the equilibrium. Simply because it is a union of two people, whose present were molded differently from their past. With different backgrounds, different personalities, different sets of experiences and different sets of lessons learned.
Marriage is a work-in-progress.
The beauty of it is that you learn this bit by bit, piece by piece. You learn and discover new things, hideous or nice. You learn that you need to recognize one’s strengths and weaknesses. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, simply because we are all humans. Everyone has his own flaws and inadequacies.
As humans, we are capable of hurting someone we love. Years of togetherness can create cobwebs, boredom inevitably sets in. If taken for granted, it will become stale and fusty. If left untreated, it will become rotten and will eventually deteriorate. The years add to our level of being comfortable and, too often than not, we forget the diplomacy. We overlook the essentials and become less discreet, less prudent, and less sensitive.
Why do anger and rage easily creep in to a marriage? Undesirable habits are borne from the familiarity. Are we bound to remain faithful with our vows to understand and accept things even at its worst?
Dissatisfaction and trepidation are inescapable due to expectations. Hurtful words are effortless, it’s always easy to blurt it out and express the fury inside, and we always forget that it leaves wounds more painful to create marks to last a lifetime.
Marriage is a commitment. It is a shared responsibility of both husband and wife to achieve a common goal – our happy ever-after. There should always be shared ownership of crisis and resolutions. Like a puzzle that needs to be solved, it makes life easier if you’ll help one another.
The trick is always to go back and re-apply the basic skills. It requires an effort to keep the fire burning. Take time to breathe in some fresh air. Face the reality that all marriages are not perfect. Learn to dance to the beat.
For every pain, there is joy
For every angst, there is contentment.
For every coldness, there is warmth.
For every indifference, there is compassion.
For every wrethchedness, there is bliss.
In conciliation I chose to live, I now look at a bigger picture.
In writing a non-fictional story
You are the author of your own story.
You make all your actions and behavior reasonable, willed it to be correct or thought it to be good all the time. You have the power of consciousness to do the right (or the wrong) things, yet being the author, you of course want your stories to be picture-perfect. In your mind, you are the protagonist, the main character in your story’s twists and turns. All other characters that help you in achieving your goal are considered allies while those who block the path are the enemies.
I would give it to the fact that you are human who is capable of screwing up. We step on someone’s toes unknowingly or sometimes, on purpose. Yet, I will cling to Socrates’ philosophy that no one knowingly commits evil. I will try to believe that you have not perpetrated the lies on purpose and betrayed a friend for your own advantage.
Does your right hand always know what your left hand is doing? Or do you always turn a blind eye to your own faults to suit your needs and desires? Which part of your story does the hero begin to hurt and betray, to aim your victory towards the end?
Sometimes, the way you write your story reveals your real persona, no matter how hard you try to hide it. Like some other stories, the conclusion can already be interpreted in the first few chapters. You are supposed to make it clean and accurate that readers will finish reading it up to the last chapter. Your weaknesses as a person help reveal your interwoven lies in your own plot’s twists and turns. It can quickly reveal your morals and principles. The intent behind your actions, however, will remain a mystery, no one ever admits how scheming and devious they are, especially if motivated by a selfish ambition.
I hope as you continue to write your story, you will make an effort to do check and balance. Being the author means being in control. But being in control doesn’t give you the right to step on anyone’s toes.
Don’t take the word “plot” literally.
As captain jack sparrow said: "It is easier to trust a dishonest person because you know that he tells nothing but lies but you can never trust a trustworthy person because you can never tell when he will tell a lie..."
You make all your actions and behavior reasonable, willed it to be correct or thought it to be good all the time. You have the power of consciousness to do the right (or the wrong) things, yet being the author, you of course want your stories to be picture-perfect. In your mind, you are the protagonist, the main character in your story’s twists and turns. All other characters that help you in achieving your goal are considered allies while those who block the path are the enemies.
I would give it to the fact that you are human who is capable of screwing up. We step on someone’s toes unknowingly or sometimes, on purpose. Yet, I will cling to Socrates’ philosophy that no one knowingly commits evil. I will try to believe that you have not perpetrated the lies on purpose and betrayed a friend for your own advantage.
Does your right hand always know what your left hand is doing? Or do you always turn a blind eye to your own faults to suit your needs and desires? Which part of your story does the hero begin to hurt and betray, to aim your victory towards the end?
Sometimes, the way you write your story reveals your real persona, no matter how hard you try to hide it. Like some other stories, the conclusion can already be interpreted in the first few chapters. You are supposed to make it clean and accurate that readers will finish reading it up to the last chapter. Your weaknesses as a person help reveal your interwoven lies in your own plot’s twists and turns. It can quickly reveal your morals and principles. The intent behind your actions, however, will remain a mystery, no one ever admits how scheming and devious they are, especially if motivated by a selfish ambition.
I hope as you continue to write your story, you will make an effort to do check and balance. Being the author means being in control. But being in control doesn’t give you the right to step on anyone’s toes.
Don’t take the word “plot” literally.
As captain jack sparrow said: "It is easier to trust a dishonest person because you know that he tells nothing but lies but you can never trust a trustworthy person because you can never tell when he will tell a lie..."
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