is there a happy ever-after?

As a kid, we thought that the moment we say “I do,” we’ve found our happiness ever after. But you realize, it’s not part of the contract neither do the vows.

There are no absolutes in all marriages. Nothing is ever all yin or all yang. There is a need to balance the two forces. There is a need to maintain the equilibrium. Simply because it is a union of two people, whose present were molded differently from their past. With different backgrounds, different personalities, different sets of experiences and different sets of lessons learned.

Marriage is a work-in-progress.

The beauty of it is that you learn this bit by bit, piece by piece. You learn and discover new things, hideous or nice. You learn that you need to recognize one’s strengths and weaknesses. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, simply because we are all humans. Everyone has his own flaws and inadequacies.
As humans, we are capable of hurting someone we love. Years of togetherness can create cobwebs, boredom inevitably sets in. If taken for granted, it will become stale and fusty. If left untreated, it will become rotten and will eventually deteriorate. The years add to our level of being comfortable and, too often than not, we forget the diplomacy. We overlook the essentials and become less discreet, less prudent, and less sensitive.

Why do anger and rage easily creep in to a marriage? Undesirable habits are borne from the familiarity. Are we bound to remain faithful with our vows to understand and accept things even at its worst?

Dissatisfaction and trepidation are inescapable due to expectations. Hurtful words are effortless, it’s always easy to blurt it out and express the fury inside, and we always forget that it leaves wounds more painful to create marks to last a lifetime.
Marriage is a commitment. It is a shared responsibility of both husband and wife to achieve a common goal – our happy ever-after. There should always be shared ownership of crisis and resolutions. Like a puzzle that needs to be solved, it makes life easier if you’ll help one another.

The trick is always to go back and re-apply the basic skills. It requires an effort to keep the fire burning. Take time to breathe in some fresh air. Face the reality that all marriages are not perfect. Learn to dance to the beat.

For every pain, there is joy
For every angst, there is contentment.
For every coldness, there is warmth.
For every indifference, there is compassion.
For every wrethchedness, there is bliss.

In conciliation I chose to live, I now look at a bigger picture.