the devil doesn't want to wear a Prada

I am sick and tired of wearing my Prada.

I just resigned from a multinational company and seeking my luck with a small and more conservative firm. Oh well, it means only one thing for me -- less politics. Being exposed in a corporate world for nearly a decade, I now understand why the word retirement was ever created. I wonder if it has the same meaning as "burn-out". Perhaps, a more flowery word so as not to sound negative.

Don't get me wrong, I am not bitter. But even so, this is something that I will not admit. I (honestly) feel that it's my stubborn nature rather than my stupidity that tends to rule my life...which lately, I am beginning to doubt as well.

So what is my point? I do not have any point at this moment.
I am so unfocused that I am confused with my current state of mind. I blame it on the rats, it's their year right? I was born under the sign of a horse, which the Chinese say is the worst enemy of these rats. Perhaps then the rats are causing me this ill state of mind. Or I can perhaps blame it on my birth month, wherein it falls under the Pisces sign -- which if you'll check the horoscopes -- Pisceans are always described as "martyrs," (again, another sugar-coated word for stupid). Or I can even blame it on today? That gloomy weather outside made me go back to my sleep and chose not to seize my new "possible" luck with this new company.

I am blaming it on everything but me.

Let's face it, no one admits insanity except those filing for annulment or divorce. We tend to hide the truth. We are always afraid of what others might think of us, scared of being laughed at, or be rejected.

Worst, we get to be stuck in-between. We don't know what makes sense or what doesn't. We don't feel guilty anymore when we get to cross the line from the right to the wrong.

I would like to believe that each of us are considered devils, one way or another. The Prada's we wear are our masks, covering what truly lies underneath. And in the process, we tend to lose ourselves. We forget the difference between fact and fantasy. Until it reaches to a point that when we look in the mirror, we don't like what we see, or worst, don't know who it is that's mocking us. We want to put a stop on everything but we know we can't. So we stick with the status quo.

Little by little, we let go of some things in our hands to be able to reach out for other things. We grasp it with both hands thinking it will help us move forward. Forgetting what is of value and what is crap. If only we can and never look back, then it would have been easy.

The devil I know is in disguise. The devil is tired and doesn't want to wear her Prada anymore.